If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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