so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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