Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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