If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
