So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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