You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
People in love make me want to vomit
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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