Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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