I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
