just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
