That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
