Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
They have beer where we have blood.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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