When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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