She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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