I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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