When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
