he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
