I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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