dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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