sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
