We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
