I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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