If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
