I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
