Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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