My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
