God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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