Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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