Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I need a beard to bite.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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