They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
