I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize