My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I pour the whiskey from now on
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
