i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
