I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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