His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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