Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
