I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
