i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
