So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
