I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
