im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
