And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
