I wish you could order shots online.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
