Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
