did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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