need another drink. this is the easiest way
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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