I showed him my bush... on skype.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
third nipple confirmed
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
