I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
