Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
