she woke up with a sticky ear
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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