u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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