i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
