i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
