My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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