You can't motorboat a personality
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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