in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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