Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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