dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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