I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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