my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
