She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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