I think i peed on brittanys purse
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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