he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
