I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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