he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
