margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
