I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
