I am full of burrito and curiosity
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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