so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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