Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
