I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Randomize